My Lord And Savior
by HeArTbReAk ShOw
Summary: Kane has some thoughts about who he is and what's going to happen to Lita while he's in the ambulance with her. (MAAAAAD LATE!)


My Lord and Savior

By: HeArTbReAk ShOw

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the writing

Author's Note: Oh so late, but it took me a long time to write this shortie, it's from that RAW with Gene and the Lita, and the Kane, and the chair, y'all remember right?

Wow. That's all I can really say right now. Wow. I mean, I can't believe that just happened.

It's that Gene guy's fault. He hit me with that goddamned steel chair, he blindsided me! He hit me with a steel chair while… While I was grabbing Lita. So is it my fault? All I can do right now is hope, and pray.

I haven't said a prayer in a long time. I've forgotten how to, well how to address the lord. I don't know what to say, what to call him. I might as well try and see if he'll still listen.

So as I sit in this ambulance, with my hand holding Lita's tightly, but soft enough so I'm careful not to hurt. I sit here and try to begin, searching for the words in my head about what I should say to the lord. So I start.

My Lord and savior, I pray to you, I know I haven't in a long time, and I know my sins, I have many, are heavy. I wanna ask you a favor Lord. Please protect the baby. And protect Lita. I've never had the emotions that I have now, rush through me like this. I guess I finally realize Lita's everything that I have. Lord, I've hurt her so much, and I'm sorry I truly am, but the fact that she's having my baby, makes me want her here with me.

I couldn't give her up to Matt! That'd destroy everything. I know he'd destroy her. You saw how he reacted when he found out the baby was mine. It killed him inside and he was angry at her.

I on the other hand was overjoyed. I'd have a successor to carry out my will and do what I've been doing… Well most of my life actually. Most of my life I've destroyed people. I've hurt them, tried to kill them, and put them in hospitals. I'm a monster.

Oh lord, I am a monster! How could I let this happen to me? How could I let go of everything I had going for me, just to become what I have? I've killed many of things. I've killed friendships, killed trust, killed acceptance, killed my career, killed my fan base, killed love, everything that had mattered to me is gone.

I blame no one but myself for what has happened. I don't blame Hunter, as you know; he was the one who beat me so I had to remove my mask. I did that myself. I'm damn proud I was man enough to remove my own mask. I'm damn proud that I didn't let Evolution take it off for me and humiliate me. I am not proud of what I did after the mask was removed.

Rob Van Dam was a good friend. Someone I had always trusted and thought I'd had a friend forever, but after I had delivered the pain, how could he ever trust me again? I guess that's why he took Booker as his partner, and maybe that's also why he was so happy when he moved to Smackdown.

After Rob, there was Helms, and he thought he could change me.

Then there was Linda, She thought she could control me.

Then there was Shane, he thought he could destroy me.

They were all wrong. I can't be changed, I can't be tamed, and I cannot be destroyed. I don't feel pain. It's almost like I'm not even human. I am Kane, I didn't choose to be, and I don't think I ever wanted to be.

I wish I could be like them. Those who could go where they please, and not be looked at as a freak of nature, or be feared, but I'm not. And what's even worse is no matter how hard I try to be like them, I can't.

Man, I feel so alone now. Even though I have Lita, she doesn't want me. She wants someone else, she wants anything but me. It's ok though, because she's afraid to run away, afraid to go away. So she's always with me, but I don't want her to feel that way at all. I want her to be happy as much as I want to be normal.

A normal life… That's what they call it, huh? I want my baby to have one. My baby boy… Or it could be a girl. No it's a boy, I know it. A baby boy. I just hope it doesn't end up to be life father, like son. I don't want my son to blackmail innocent women like Lita into having sex with him.

I want to be able to have a family with Lita, even if she doesn't want me, I want to be able to raise my boy with her, because I couldn't think of a better women to raise a son with. She has so much heart and soul in her that… well that just makes me whole. Lita makes me whole. Lita makes me remember what it's like to be normal again, to be able to walk with everyone else without the pointing and laughing. Lita makes me pray to you Lord.

So please spare her and our child. They've been through too much to have to feel anymore pain. And Lord, if neither of them are meant to be here on this earth, take me instead, because they're innocent, they've done nothing wrong. Lita, she has so much to live for, and our baby, he at least deserves a chance at life, for he's done nothing wrong.

Sometimes, I sit and wonder what it's gonna be like… Will he like me? Fear me? Hate me? Is he gonna look like his beautiful mother, or like me? What will it be like when he takes his first steps, first words, first day of school, first girlfriend, wife, or child of his own?

Will I grow old and be able to see everything that'll happen to him in his life? OR will I have to watch from heaven or hell? Most likely hell, I know it.

Hm, I wonder if Lita will even acknowledge the fact that I'm the father, and Matt isn't. Will she tell him that?

She'll have too won't she? She'll have to when he asks 'why don't I look like my dad Matt Hardy?' Then what will she say to him?

All I want is to be his father. All I want is to be a better father then mine ever was. Some 'dad' he was, favoring my brother, and loathing me. I wonder what they'll say. My brother and my dad I mean. Will any of them even care?

Heh, Uncle Mark, Uncle 'Taker. Sounds funny, as funny as it'll sound when someone calls me dad and as funny as it would sound if Lita ever called me her husband. I know it'd never happen, but I can dream right?

So, I've ran out of things to say to you lord, and we're getting closer to the hospital, and she's waking up now. She looks up at me and sees that I'm the one who's holding her hand.

"I thought it was you." She says and she smiles a little as if she's a little relived it was me, and not someone else. "You really care about the baby don't you?"

I nod and say nothing else because I can't tell her that I care about her too. I'd be letting my guard down and letting my feelings show, and that just wouldn't feel right, but one day I'll tell her, because just like her and the baby have a right to live, she has a right to know.

My Lord and Savior, please save the two people that mean the most to me. Lita and the baby. They're all I have left in this lifetime. Amen.


End file.
